The Best and Worst of is a regular interview in which a celebrity reflects on the highs and lows of their life.
Ruby Wax holds a Masters’ degree in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy from Oxford University and was awarded an OBE in 2015 for her services to mental health.
She lives in Notting Hill with her husband, film producer Ed Bye. Her latest book, I’m Not As Well As I Thought I Was was published in paperback on 4 April. To date, Ruby has sold over one million copies of her books worldwide.
Ruby Wax holds a Masters’ degree in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy from Oxford University and was awarded an OBE in 2015 for her services to mental health.
She lives in Notting Hill with her husband, film producer Ed Bye. Her latest book, I’m Not As Well As I Thought I Was was published in paperback on 4 April. To date, Ruby has sold over one million copies of her books worldwide.
Best thing about spending time in a monastery?
I wanted to know what it was like to have faith. I always wanted to be one of those people who fell off their chair and spoke in tongues, and screamed “Hallelujah!” and were filled with the spirit, which is why I wanted to go. But the best thing about my time there?
There was a nun who looked like Mrs Doubtfire. She took care of me. She put me to bed, and when I ran into the chapel and slammed into all the brothers doing their morning prayer, Mrs Doubtfire took me aside, and would explain, “don’t walk that way”, “be quiet”, “this is where you eat.” She was like the mother I never had, and I loved her.
Best decision you ever made?
Probably to move to England. I wanted to move to England to be a classical actress, which was totally deluded because I couldn’t act. But I had a lot of nerve, so I came to England anyway and I tried to get into drama school for about five years, but I had no talent. I finally got into Glasgow, and I worked really hard, which was one thing I could do very well.
Then I got into the Royal Shakespeare Company – I had never even got into a school play, so by this point, most kids would have given up. The driving force behind my move was how crazy my parents were; it was a getaway. I figured I would get more warning if they were coming to see me.
Best person you’ve interviewed?
Carrie Fisher. She improvised with every answer, and it was like watching a brilliant mind unfold in front of me. Sometimes people like to play tennis with your mind, so she would fling me a ball and see if I could fling it back. I stayed friends with her for 35 years because I was in a good tennis match with her that day.
It was for my show, and watching it back was like seeing her wooing me. As soon as the interview was over, she said, “let’s go shopping,” and we stayed best friends for 35 years. Other people hated me, but Carrie Fisher loved me.
Best thing about empty nesting?
Nothing. I want them back, I’m devastated. I wait every day for my children to say, “I was just kidding,” and come back.
Best thing about going on a silent retreat?
You live in complete silence, and you practise mindfulness for about fourteen hours a day.. It breaks you, it’s torture. But after about six days, your mind starts to give up, because it gets exhausted. So, it starts to quiet down, and then it’s delicious because you don’t need to do things like ask other people what they do for a living.
Your critical voice gets off your back. When everybody else is quiet, you’ve got no-one to talk to so interesting things start to happen in your mind. I don’t like to do things that are inherently fluffy, so now I’m doing my own retreats at Broughton Hall in Yorkshire. I like to explain the science behind why we do what we do, and how we got in this state. And then one afternoon we don’t talk, we do everything in silence and everyone loves it.
Best thing about getting an OBE?
Getting my OBE in The Priory. I wasn’t allowed to go to Buckingham Palace because I’m not English, so they said, “choose the place where you’re most comfortable,” and so I said, “in The Priory.”
Then there was a big discussion over whether I could have the Lord Lieutenant at The Priory, because he’s got a big sword. But after much discussion they said it was OK. I invited all of my friends and they all got really dressed up and we had my OBE party in the room where they used to have AA meetings.
Best thing you’ve learnt from mental health campaigning?
People often come up to me and say thank you for talking about mental health. When people come up to me and tell me what happened to them, and what they’re feeling, it’s the best gift on earth.
Best thing about living in the UK?
The people are still eccentric, and there’s irony. I salute the flag of irony.
Best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
When I was in the Royal Shakespeare Company, Alan Rickman said, “don’t act, write.” He said, “You’re not very good at acting, so start writing.”
Worst job you’ve ever had?
Waitressing at Evanston, Illinois on the 4am shift. I had to bring orders of pancakes to people. I was always late. I once cut my finger and it bled onto the plate, but I didn’t tell the customer.
Worst holiday you’ve ever been on?
Because of Covid, when I came back from South Africa I had to stay at a hotel at Heathrow. I lived there for 12 days. It was the worst holiday ever. I was let out for fifteen minutes a day, with a guard outside my door called Spartacus, which is a whole other story. He would sing to me with the door open and his mask down, popping his cheeks. He would sing in my face once a day, that was the only thing that would keep me going.
Worst thing about studying neuroscience?
I can’t remember the words. If I sat down, in five minutes I’d know, but in ten minutes I’d forget.
Worst encounter with a celebrity?
I once interviewed Donald Trump. It’s awful to be in his eyeline, and for him to be sending hatred towards you is not pleasant. His eyes said, “I’m going to rip your throat out,” and it was very hard to ask questions in that kind of climate. It was awful. It backfired. Who knew he would become president?
I laughed at him, which is why he threw me out of his aeroplane. We were in his private jet, and he said he wanted to be president, and I started laughing, and it turned into a hate match from there on. I thought he was kidding, but he made his pilot land, and he threw me off. It was an interesting situation – not one to repeat.
Worst meal you’ve ever eaten?
When I had to quarantine at the hotel in Heathrow, they gave me posset, with a cherry, on a crust, in a paper bag.
Worst thing about modern life?
The loneliness, it’s never enough. You’re always in the wrong place, you’re never good-looking enough. You’re never doing enough. You’re judged all the time. You can’t read enough, you don’t know enough about what’s going on. You can’t keep up, and so life can be quite isolating.
As told to Lucy Pearson
The I’m Not As Well As I Thought I Was live tour by Ruby Wax and Impatient Productions starts on 1 May 2024
